Hello Twenty, Twenty, Too

The Mack Times Issue 19: A Year in Review

Wiping the calendar clean for a new year

So last year I foolheartedly published my 2021 resolutions to The Mack Times and now I feel a moral obligation to follow up with an assessment of how things went. 2021 “wasn’t the year we expected”… was “unprecedented”… etc. etc. and, yeah, it sucked in a multitude of ways! But I still managed to meet a couple goals, so I’ll celebrate those and say ‘oh well’ to the rest.

Here’s my annual self-assessment and reflections.

My 2021 Resolutions:

• Complete first draft of next novel (stretch resolution: complete at least 1 revision) — DONE! Not the “stretch” part, but I completed a first draft, mapped out a revision, and am now waist-deep rewriting it.
• Finish paying off my student loans — DONE! And then my credit score went down because capitalism is a giant scam.
• Write 24+ poems and practice adding illustrations—Didn’t happen, but (!!) I did write one very epic poem that I performed in class this fall. And it might be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, so I’ll take that as a win.
• Walk 5+ miles a week (unless I’m sick or something)—I stopped tracking exactly how much I was walking a week, but I walked a ton this year, in all seasons, and so I feel at peace about claiming this as DONE!
• Read 50+ books, more queer lit (again) and lesser known/local authors—DONE! I read 57 books including some by local authors and very many by queer authors. Once you go to queer lit, it’s hard to go back to anything else, anyway.
• Attend more author events (virtually and hopefully eventually in person) — I started out strong with this one, following the event calendars at local bookstores and attending a few virtual events. But then I hit a wall, a very real wall that the media has nicknamed “Zoom Fatigue.” Between work, class, and writing, some days I was at a computer for upwards of 12 hours, and I just could not bring myself to sit for as many virtual events as I hoped. I feel ok calling this one incomplete.
• Watch more movies that DON’T suck—I watched over 40 movies this year, and I liked maybe 6 or 7 of them? Call me a fuss ass, I guess.
• Keep a dream journal (do-over resolution from 2020)—Another one that started out strong, but then fizzled out when I kept dreaming of apocalyptic things like planes falling out of the sky. I would like to forget those dreams and not record them, thanks. #2021
• Meditate daily (another 2020 carry-over) — Didn’t happen. Again. Oops.

So the following weren’t technically on my original 2021 resolutions list but I’m adding them now because I need to feel good about accomplishing something this year:

• Start waking up early to exercise — DONE! This stereotypical new year’s resolution wasn’t even on my list and yet it happened. I wake up early and exercise for 20–30 minutes each morning now, lest my body adopt the shape of my computer chair. I even do pilates. Real basic pilates, but still. This is new.
• Drink less caffeine and alcohol — DONE! Another accidental accomplishment. When you have to wear a heart monitor for 2 weeks and the doc tells you that you have some heart-racing condition that you can’t even pronounce (supraventricular tachycardia… say that 3 times fast), it really makes any beverage that can negatively affect the heart less appealing. Tea has become my new best friend.
• Publish a short story — DONE! My little absurdist story “The Animal” was published in the Fall 2021 issue of Foglifter Journal. :)

Ok, so there’s that! Now that I’ve reflected on the past, it’s time to look to the year ahead.

Here are my 2022 resolutions:

• Stay healthy.
• Connect with friends and family more.
• Write like my life depends on it.

Yup. That’s it. If 2021 has taught me anything, it’s that I need to be better about embracing uncertainty. It’s ok to let go of old ways of doing things, like making resolutions, even if those old ways used to work well. I didn’t even set out to do the things I’m most proud of accomplishing in 2021. It’s good to have goals, but sometimes it might be even better to be open to the unknown.

And if I’m being honest, I don’t know what’s going to happen this year. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to work in-person. I don’t know what my days will look like a year from now. And putting together a list of specific expectations for myself right now might be more hurtful than helpful.

Right now, at the start of 2022, I just want to be healthy, physically and mentally. I want to stop complaining about being so isolated when there are things that I can do to stay better connected (safely while still in a pandemic, of course). And I want to spend more time doing what I love to do, which is writing. Because life is short, and clichés can be welcomed reminders.

Ars longa, vita brevis, bitches. It’s 2022.